I survived.
My first day back to work was a success. After the anxiousness of the attention I would be getting from my reappearance subsided, I was back into my routine. My bosses informed me right away they wanted me to take a half day today and tomorrow, which I am grateful for. Some of my coworkers were quite astounded that I was even at work. And I guess it is kind of incredible. Who returns to work one month after being cut open and having their whole digestive system flipped upside-down? I guess in a way I will never, ever overcome the urgency in my bones to GO the second my body feels normal. I'll always feel the crunch of time no matter how incredible my life accomplishments are. It's an issue I am always working on.
But, boy, I was glad I listened to them to take a half day. After waking up super early, loading my body with more caffeine in one hour than its seen in one month, I worked 6 hours, came home and crashed. HARD. Sometimes you just HAVE to listen to your work moms when they tell you to take it easy.
The good news is my intubations are getting easier. I'm learning which drinks help increase my flow which makes intubation effortless. I still don't have much pain when it's time to intubate so I have to remind myself that I should only be at 4 hours right now otherwise I forget until I start hearing the gurgling in my stomach and fullness. It's truly the weirdest feeling, but I am told I will get used to discerning which feelings mean I need to intubate.
Just a short update. More to come. x
7.08.2015
7.07.2015
Back to Work and Beginning My New Life with a BCIR
Throughout my hospital stay at the Palms of Pasadena, I had old patients come and visit me. Many of their parting words, and the parting words of my nurses as I left that last day were, "Enjoy your new life."
Part of enjoying my new life is returning to normalcy. Tomorrow I go back to work. I am not scared. I am excited, anxious, and vainly looking forward to wearing some of my tighter clothes I just couldn't wear at work before. It still seems surreal to me. It doesn't feel like a new life yet.
One of the hardest parts about leaving my restaurant world and entering into the nine to five business attire life was learning what clothes I could and could not wear. It involved a lot of accidents, trial and error. I had to find leggings or panty-hose that were tight, but not too tight to the point of restricting my stoma from doing it's job. Needless to say, there were a lot of frustrating leaks over the last year. I stuck to empire-waisted dresses that allowed me to not use the bathroom constantly throughout the day. My high waisted pencil skirts similarly followed the same guidelines. As long as I had my ostomy, I always shopped like my clothes were going to fit with a flat and empty pouch. Cute, yes; but unrealistic.
Is it wrong that one of the things I am looking forward to tomorrow is wearing this express skirt that I nabbed on clearance for 16 bucks? I think what I will learn with my new life is that there will be no big moment where I thank goodness for the decision to have this surgery. I think it's going to be a bunch of these tiny, tight skirt wearing days, that are going to culminate into a much happier ME. The stress relief of no leakage, no longer waking up in the middle of the night and immediately touching my shirt where my ostomy is to make sure it's okay, not having to think twice about how much I am eating related to the outfit I chose to wear that day. It's the little, little things.
With that being said, I did have a small set back over the weekend. My first experience with a common BCIR first year complication called pouchitis. Pouchitis is essentially inflammation of the lining of your pouch. It's extremely common but luckily treatable. Immediately after I started my antibiotics I felt better. However, before then, it was a few days of misery before I finally called my doctor over the holiday weekend.
It will continue to be a learning process over the next year as my new pouch matures and the rest of my small intestine adjusts to the change in its role. I sometimes have to stop and remind myself of that. I just had a huge surgery. There will be growing pains and nothing is perfect.
For now I am very happy, as I am sleeping through the night and am able to stretch 6-8 hours between intubation. I might not feel like I have a new life yet, but I think returning to work tomorrow is a huge step in discovering what is ahead.
Hope you are all well and had a fabulous holiday weekend. x.
Part of enjoying my new life is returning to normalcy. Tomorrow I go back to work. I am not scared. I am excited, anxious, and vainly looking forward to wearing some of my tighter clothes I just couldn't wear at work before. It still seems surreal to me. It doesn't feel like a new life yet.
One of the hardest parts about leaving my restaurant world and entering into the nine to five business attire life was learning what clothes I could and could not wear. It involved a lot of accidents, trial and error. I had to find leggings or panty-hose that were tight, but not too tight to the point of restricting my stoma from doing it's job. Needless to say, there were a lot of frustrating leaks over the last year. I stuck to empire-waisted dresses that allowed me to not use the bathroom constantly throughout the day. My high waisted pencil skirts similarly followed the same guidelines. As long as I had my ostomy, I always shopped like my clothes were going to fit with a flat and empty pouch. Cute, yes; but unrealistic.
Is it wrong that one of the things I am looking forward to tomorrow is wearing this express skirt that I nabbed on clearance for 16 bucks? I think what I will learn with my new life is that there will be no big moment where I thank goodness for the decision to have this surgery. I think it's going to be a bunch of these tiny, tight skirt wearing days, that are going to culminate into a much happier ME. The stress relief of no leakage, no longer waking up in the middle of the night and immediately touching my shirt where my ostomy is to make sure it's okay, not having to think twice about how much I am eating related to the outfit I chose to wear that day. It's the little, little things.
With that being said, I did have a small set back over the weekend. My first experience with a common BCIR first year complication called pouchitis. Pouchitis is essentially inflammation of the lining of your pouch. It's extremely common but luckily treatable. Immediately after I started my antibiotics I felt better. However, before then, it was a few days of misery before I finally called my doctor over the holiday weekend.
It will continue to be a learning process over the next year as my new pouch matures and the rest of my small intestine adjusts to the change in its role. I sometimes have to stop and remind myself of that. I just had a huge surgery. There will be growing pains and nothing is perfect.
For now I am very happy, as I am sleeping through the night and am able to stretch 6-8 hours between intubation. I might not feel like I have a new life yet, but I think returning to work tomorrow is a huge step in discovering what is ahead.
Hope you are all well and had a fabulous holiday weekend. x.
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