Surgery Day

Surgery scheduled for Friday, December 14th...for anyone who still reads this thing.

I had an interaction with my professor this week that I'm compelled to share.

I had to provide a doctors note for missing class once during the semester.  It was an ostomy-related issue and probably my own fault for not accepting that I need to carry extra supplies on me at all times right now.  Anyway, I missed class and got a note from my surgeon, which I provided to my professor who has a reputation for being an asshole when people miss class.

So I took my final on Thursday.  I was the first one done and my professor followed me out the door and asked me how I was feeling.  He asked me what I was having surgery for, and I vaguely gave him a Crohn's-related explanation.  Keep in mind my doctors note was from the U of Penn colon and rectal surgery office, so I'm sure my professor had a loose idea of my issues.  He then offered me an extension on my paper, which I declined but thanked him for.  Then he told me that he had a large portion of his bowel removed once and still has an ostomy.  I didn't share my own ostomy story with him but I emphasized my sympathy for him and he told me about one of his undergraduate students who was going through a rough time with Crohn's right now, too.

The point of my story is that you never know what anyone is going through.  I try to live my life consciously aware of this fact anytime I am confronted with someone whose negativity bothers me.  You just never know what's going on behind closed doors, what kind of struggles people are battling, or why their behavior is the way it is. 

Just a little something to think about.  

Tomorrow..

Tomorrow (or today) I will find out my surgery date.

I will head into this surgery healthier than I have ever been before such a procedure.  I'm heading it to it with knowledge of completely what to expect. So why is it harder?

It's harder because it's not black and white.  It's not that I'm doing this surgery because I absolutely have to, like every other surgery I have ever had.  I am doing it to improve my quality of life.  To endure physical, emotional, and financial hardship for the next month because I know this small suffering will benefit me indefinitely.

It's harder this time because I have a life.  I have my own apartment, a great job, a fulfilling graduate school program, and supportive people in my life. That's pretty much everything I have ever verbalized here.  It's harder because there's more to lose when you're heading into a surgery as a person who has a life waiting on the other side.  I never had that before.  Before, no matter what happened after surgery, I only had to answer to myself and my family.

A month.

I shouldn't complain, nor fret.  It's just a month.  It's not my life.  I will emerge on the other side even better than I am now.  It's nothing in comparison to the past.  It's just a reminder to be grateful for my health and the fact that I have the most supportive friends and family I could ever need.

Be grateful for your health.  Please.  I am.  Every damn day.