When life hands you lemons...

For someone who is extremely indecisive about the simplest things in life, I've had to make some pretty serious decisions in the past couple of months.  I found myself making one of the biggest decisions I have ever had to make this past week.  I'm not sure if it was so much of me finally deciding something as much as it was me coming to the realization that the situation I am in right now is dire need of a surefire solution.  No more experimentation with drugs that take weeks to work only to find out they aren't going to work for me.

After months of believing one of these crazy drugs was going to work or that some miracle was going to magically make me feel better, I realized I have to go down the path I have avoided these past six months--surgery.  Although a difficult and life changing decision, I have decided the only way to get my life back is to have surgery which will give me a colostomy.  All this time the thought of having a colostomy again with no idea of when it could or would be reversed made me think my life would be over.  But really, being sick in this bed, losing weight, losing my hair, being in pain, running to the bathroom, missing out on summer fun...what kind of life is that?

I go to see my GI on Tuesday and I am 99% sure they will admit me to the hospital after my appointment.  We're gonna talk about the surgery then.  I have no idea how soon they will be able to do it or if they will want to administer Total Parenteral Nutrition (TPN) to me first to get me to a healthier state.  I can't imagine having surgery at this weight knowing there would be about 4-5 days of not eating.  

If there's anything good from this, it is that I have had a colostomy before and I know what to expect.  My life right now is such misery that a colostomy doesn't seem all that bad.  All I can do is close my eyes and think about all the things I will be able to do once I have this surgery. I want to sit on the beach, drink a few beers, eat some greasy food, hang out with friends...

Hopefully I will be able to keep you updated when I'm in the hospital.  Maybe things will be better once I get some fluids and blood.  At this point they can't get much worse.