"Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay." - Pheobe Buffay

I had one of my worst days in recent memory on Monday, prompting me to consider if I am ready to continue this diet. It's only been three weeks but I expected to see some improvement by now. You are supposed to give it 4 weeks before you give up. I don't know if I can wait another week. 

One of the downsides, besides still feeling like garbage, is that I'm losing even more weight. I've lost 37 pounds in the last couple of months, with about 8 of those pounds coming off since the diet. Granted I was at the higher end of my weight spectrum when I got sick and I am sure a lot of it is lost muscle weight, it still has me worried. I'm weak and the last thing I need is to lose more weight.  The past 4 days I had intense stomach pain which made eating even more difficult.

It's hard because my eating options are very limited so it leaves me getting sick of certain foods that are good for me, like bananas and eggs.  I never thought I could get tired of eating beef pattys but I am. Right now what I need is gatorade and pasta. That would be ideal.  But part of me feels like I've invested so much time already I should just stick it out and try to be more fanatical about eating the really good stuff like yogurt and bananas.  

On another note, I haven't made the doctors appointment I was supposed to make two weeks ago.  I guess I have just been avoiding the inevitable; that I will most likely be admitted to the hospital and forced make a decision about whether I am ready to live with a colostomy.  Then again, I don't think I'll ever be ready.

To add more salt to the wound, I just read this article concerning Tysabri and the brain infection PML.  Turns out there has been another case this month.

And on a completely, different note...

I can't help but wonder if Kurt Cobain wrote "Pennyroyal Tea" about Crohn's.  If you google his name and Crohn's you'll actually see people talk about it.  I know he suffered from mental problems, too...and that could easily explain the song as well. Check it out the lyrics if you wish:

I'm on my time with everyone
I have very bad posture

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty

Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld
So I can sigh eternally

I'm so tired I can't sleep
I'm anemic royalty
I'm a liar and a thief
I'm anemic royalty

I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids

Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty