When does cabin fever become a real problem? Week 10.

I got in a discussion with a friend today about the current state of my Crohn's.  I was trying to explain how my doctor wanted a colonoscopy done this Tuesday but I was planning on objecting.  My friend was curious as to why I would deny something that is seemingly going to give my doctor a peek at what's going on inside.  I'll try to have you understanding my point by the end of this entry.

When I moved back home, I had to find a new doctor who has only seen me in his office three times.  I have a closer relationship with my mailman.  I guess the point is, this is my body and my illness.  It's my life, my insides, my dignity.  I think in the past I always did what my doctors ordered, even when I felt I was being tortured.  I have learned it's okay to say "no" to having three different procedures done in one day.  It's okay to draw a line.  

The last thing I want right now is to be prodded for a cause that is only going to tell my doctor what we already know from my symptoms.  Unless being done to facilitate with a future surgery, diagnose an unknown problem, or figure out a new problem, I've found most of my yearly colonoscopies completely unnecessary.  Sure, I'll get one every four years like I'm supposed to but I really don't need you going up my bum to tell me that my colon is inflamed.  We know this already. 

Now it might seem incredibly silly to someone without a chronic illness, but I miss my old doctor in Maryland.  I saw him and his staff more than I saw my own family during college.  I figure between treatments, procedures, and check ups, I was at that hospital once every month for four years.  I liked them so much that even after moving back to Philly, I spent a year driving to Baltimore every time I needed an infusion or check up.  

When considering something as serious as my struggle with illness, it's been hard to move on to a doctor who handles things differently.  It's a significant relationship on my end; one that requires trust and respect.  And I don't think I quite click with the new guy.  While he is highly respected in his field and was referred by my doctor in Maryland, we have differences in how to deal with my illness.  Differences that I don't always think he respects.

I think that is what I am struggling with now.  I'm not really sure what the point of all of this was.  Maybe I am trying to say that there is no reason anyone should settle regardless of who they are dealing with.  Regardless of the situation, unless you are going to die in the next 5 minutes, you should consider all important matters of life with much reflection and care.  I went through a lot of doctors who mismanaged my illness before I found one who met my expectations.  Maybe I need to keep looking.  Jeeze, I sound like I'm talking about a boyfriend or something. 

Side note: I had a witty, uplifting blog written before all this colonoscopy nonsense came up.  I'll save it for later.  As far as my health, things are still crappy, despite my seemingly short two day reprive weeks ago.  Oh, and I'm not saying you shouldn't get a Colonoscopy when you need one.  But I don't.  So to my faithful, over 40 readers (hi mom and dad), go get those pipes checked out.  However, don't count on me to tell you the prep "isn't that bad".